Groucho - Chico - Harpo - Miscellaneous 
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| Filename | Description | Size |
|---|---|---|
| grouch01.wav | Why you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you. | 30 k |
| grouch02.wav | We three would make an ideal couple. | 14 k |
| grouch03.wav | One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I don't dunno. | 36 k |
| grouch04.wav | Why you've got beauty, charm, money! You have got money haven't you? Because if you haven't we can quit right now. | 42 k |
| grouch05.wav | I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse. | 14 k |
| grouch06.wav | I'm sick of these conventional marriages. One woman and one man was good enough for your grandmother, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody! Not even your grandfather. | 66 k |
| grouch07.wav | This would be a better world for children if the parents had to eat the spinach. | 28 k |
| grouch08.wav | Parden me while I have a strange interlude. | 14 k |
| grouch09.wav | Ever since I've met you I've swept you off my feet.. | 24 k |
| grouch10.wav | Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves, and I'd only have to bury them again. | 36 k |
| grouch11.wav | Why don't you fellows be nice? Get outta here before I get arrested! Nah, I'd like to stay and see that. | 45 k |
| grouch12.wav | More bad news | 22 k |
| grouch13.wav | Believe me, you gotta get up early if you wanna get out of bed. | 24 k |
| grouch14.wav | Well whadaya say girls? Are we all gonna get married? All of us? But that's bigamy! Yes, and it's big-a-me too. | 70 k |
| grouch15.wav | Say, have I got time to go back and pay my hotel bill? Sorry, too late. That suits me fine. | 44 k |
| grouch16.wav | Boogie, boogie, boogie! | 15 k |
| grouch17.wav | Now is the time to buy while the new boom is on. Remember that old saying: 'A new boom sweeps clean.' And don't forget the guarantee...My personal guarantee: If these lots don't double in value in a year, I don't know what you can do about it. | 124 k |
| grouch18.wav | You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it. | 31 k |
| grouch19.wav | You're just wasting your breath, and that's no great loss either. | 25 k |
| grouch20.wav | You're heading for a breakdown. Why don't you pull yourself to pieces? | 31 k |
| grouch21.wav | Hey, you big bully, what's the idea of hitting that little bully? | 27 k |
| grouch22.wav | I don't know...there's something about me that brings out the business in every woman. | 32 k |
| grouch23.wav | Oh, hold me closer...closer...closer! If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you. | 77 k |
| grouch24.wav | I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. | 54 k |
| grouch25.wav | Would you mind going out and crossing the boulevard when the lights are against you? | 36 k |
| grouch26.wav | You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters? | 26 k |
| grouch27.wav | I've never been so insulted in my life! Well...it's early yet. | 39 k |
| grouch28.wav | Just a moment, fruitcake | 18 k |
| grouch29.wav | This is a gala day for you. Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't know if I could handle any more. | 53 k |
| grouch30.wav | Hello, I Must Be Going | 389 k |
| grouch31.wav | Either he's dead, or my watch has stopped. | 16 k |
| grouch32.wav | Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you...He really is an idiot. | 63 k |
| grouch33.wav | Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you? | 27 k |
| grouch34.wav | Will you join me? Why? Are you coming apart? | 26 k |
| grouch35.wav | I love you...I love you anyhow. I don't think you'd love me if I were poor. I might, but I'd keep my mouth shut. | 69 k |
| grouch36.wav | You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the whole world? Do you really? No, but I don't mind lying if it'll get me somewheres. | 64 k |
| grouch37.wav | And you're willing to pay him a thousand dollars a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of 'Minnie The Moocher' for seventy-five cents...for a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie. | 75 k |
| grouch38.wav | You're making a mountain out of a molehill! Well that's quite a trick. You try that sometime. | 39 k |
| grouch39.wav | I'll meet you tonight under the moon. Oh, I can see you now, you and the moon...You wear a necktie so I'll know you. | 71 k |
| grouch40.wav | Think of the opportunities here in Florida! Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket...Now I've got a nickel in my pocket. | 63 k |
| grouch41.wav | As Chairwoman of the reception committee, I welcome you with open arms. Is that so? How late do you stay open? | 122 k |
| grouch42.wav | Is the opera over yet? Not yet...in a few minutes. Hey, you! I told you to slow that nag down. On account of you I nearly heard the opera. | 71 k |
| grouch43.wav | Are you sure you have everything Otis? I've never had any complaints yet. I have. | 49 k |
| grouch44.wav | You're check, sir. Whew! Nine dollars and forty cents? This is an outrage! If I were you, I wouldn't pay it. | 53 k |
| grouch45.wav | Sir, you try my patience! I don't mind if I do...You must come over and try mine sometime. | 44 k |
| grouch46.wav | Way down by the sad seaside, sat two lovers, side-by-side. First he sighed, and then she sighed. And then they both sighed, side-by-side. Peezie Weezie, what's his name? Peezie Weezie, Peezie Weezie, what's his name? | 180 k |
| grouch47.wav | Hey, don't drink that poison! That's four dollars an ounce! | 25 k |
| grouch48.wav | Keep Winnie the Pooh outta here, will ya? He'll ruin me. | 23 k |
| grouch49.wav | How much am I paying you fellows? Five thousand a year...but we've never been paid. In that case, I'll raise you to eight thousand. | 69 k |
| grouch50.wav | How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery? | 26 k |
| grouch51.wav | What's the matter, mister? Oh, we had an argument and he pulled a knife on me, so I shot him. | 38 k |
| grouch52.wav | You know America is waiting to hear him sing? Well, he can sing loud...but he can't sing that loud. Well, I think I can get America to meet him halfway. Could he sail tomorrow. You pay him enough money, he could sail yesterday. | 109 k |
| grouch53.wav | Captain, this leaves me speechless. Well, see that you remain that way. | 45 k |
| grouch54.wav | Oh, Mr. Hammer...There's a man outside wants to see you with a black moustache. Tell him I've got one. | 44 k |
| grouch55.wav | With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now. | 30 k |
| grouch56.wav | The next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you, will you? | 27 k |
| grouch57.wav | Do they allow tipping on the boat? Oh, yes sir! Have you got two fives? Yes sir! "Well, then you won't need the ten cents I was gonna give you. | 69 k |
| grouch58.wav | Get away from that tree before it dies. | 19 k |
| grouch59.wav | Have you got a woman in here? If I haven't I've wasted thirty minutes of valuable time. | 40 k |
| grouch60.wav | Getta your tootsie-frootsie! Nice ice-a-cream! Nice tootsie-frootsie ice-a-cream! | 55 k |
| grouch61.wav | Groucho's classic, "Whatever it is, I'm against it" song from Horsefeathers. | 639 k |
| grouch62.wav | Another Groucho classic, "Lydia the tattooed lady." | 1120 k |
| grouch63.wav | Perhaps some time we get a chance to dance together, huh? Groucho: I could dance with you till the cows come home. One second thought I'd rather dance with the cows and you came home. | 96 k |
| grouch64.wav | What do you think I am, a peep-show? | 19 k |
| grouch65.wav | Any mail for me while I was gone? | 8 k |
| grouch66.wav | Remember you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did. | 35 k |
| grouch67.wav | Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first. He left me his entire fortune. Is that so? Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you--I love you. | 36 k |
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Page last updated on December 26, 1998 7:15 PM |